Eat breakfast at your hotel. It's cheap and easier than finding something on the street before you go sightseeing.

Don't buy pop. It's about $2 a can, but it doesn't seem like it because it's only one piece of French change.

Try the ham, egg and butter crepes, if you're in a crepe part of town. They're fantastic.

Buy a French dictionary which isn't missing H-M.

Remember to say 's'il vous plait' (see-voo-play - please) and 'merci' (thank you) when ordering anything. People will be much more polite. (We forgot to say please 19 out of 20 times because we were too busy trying to figure out how to ask for what we wanted.)

If you want to buy posters at the Louvre, buy them the day you're there because if you come back another day, you have to stand in line again.

Go to all of the major attractions on a weekday, instead of on the weekend. Especially Versaille...otherwise you can't get an electronic tour guide (in English) to talk you through the place.

Try the pain au chocolat (bread with chocolate), it's pretty good. Eat at least once at a place that has moules et frites (mussels and fries), just because they look so damn interesting.

Go on a batteau-mouche ride on the Seine, if possible, but bundle the hell up. It was cold even when we were there.

Notre-Dame is cool. Rouen is cool. The Musee Picasso is cool. The Centre George Pompidou (modern art) is cool. The Venus de Milo's butt is cool. The whole Greek and Roman wing of the Louvre is fantastic, but I couldn't find the giant head of Constantine (I was going to take a picture for you). L'Orangerie (another museum) is also pretty cool.

You can buy a carte musee (museum pass) at most metro ticket stations. It lasts for one, three or four days and you can go into about 20 different museums and monuments for free (and you get to go to the head of the line in some cases). It saves you a bundle if you go to a bunch of them.

Remember to leave your hotel key with the front desk when you leave your hotel, or they will chase you halfway across Paris. (There's always someone at the desk, so you can get your key anytime.)

Bring change for public toilets if you're going to be out walking around. There are virtually no toilets in restaurants or other public places for you to use.

Skip the traveller's checks. Just make sure your ATM card will work over there. You can get money anywhere and the rate isn't bad. Most places don't want to take traveller's checks anyway, so you have to get them changed at a change hut, which will gouge you in some way which is completely untraslatable. (We never did figure out what the extra charge was for.) Just remember if you're in a small town during a holiday to get money in advance. The ATMs ran out of money on us in St. Malo, which was nearly heart-attack inducing. (By the way, change is called 'monnaie' and money is called 'l'argent'. This is confusing, so just remember when someone says 'monnaie' they're talking about your change.

If you want to save money, baguettes can be a full meal and they're incredibly cheap. Sandwiches aren't too bad, either. Jambon is ham, oeuf is egg, crudites is a few different vegetables like lettuce and tomato. Every sandwich we bought on the street was ten times better than any Subway or Big Ten or Blimpie's. Also, you can get food really cheap at the grocery store (of course) and make your own sandwiches or snacks.

Again, don't buy pop. There is no Mountain Dew anywhere.

The Metro is awesome. You can get a map at your hotel, at a ticket booth, in the back of a dictionary or just about anywhere else. It will be your best friend. They're also posted all over the place. Just remember to memorize which line and stop are by your hotel and you can never get lost.

Go find a flea market. There's was one on the Seine near Gare d'Austerlitz (I think) when we were there. Lots of cool, really expensive stuff like furniture, plus books and posters and trinkets of all kinds. They might not have these during the winter, though.

Bring Orlando Furioso or some light Chomsky for the plane ride. It's hard to sleep.

Bring a few bags of trail mix and a water bottle to carry around with you. I didn't believe my mom, but she was totally right for once. Fill the water at your hotel or any place else that has a 'eau potable' sign. Drinking water and washing water are not always the same. Also bring a few of those square packets of toilet paper. You may not need them, but if you do you'll thank me.

Keep your money in a hidden pouch connected to your belt or around your neck. If there's a commotion on the Metro or on the bus, hang on to your stuff. The gypsies are known for diversionary tactics.

If you get stuck talking to someone who is firing French at you, just say 'Je suis desolee, je ne parle pas le francais.' (zhuh swee dessolay, zhuh nuh parl pah le fransay - I'm sorry, I don't speak French.) Most people can speak English, if they put their mind to it. The only words you really need to know are 'je voudrais' (zhuh voo-dreh), which means 'I would like'. Then just point to what you want and tell them how many you want (un, deux, trois). Holding up fingers is acceptable, but the French hold up a thumb for one...if you hold up your index finger, they will get confused.

Don't worry too much about the language and have a blast. Don't forget to write.

Chip Howland
howland@skypoint.com