[This was sent to Qualcomm after they acquired Now Utilities, then decided not to update it to work with OS8, but still posted a notice every month for a year that they were working on it and it would be done this month.]

I am curious about the information posted on the Now Utilities for OS8 Product Info page at http://eudora.qualcomm.com/nowutilities/. Do you have an intern dedicated solely to changing the date of release as each month goes by or have you automated the process with a CGI? Perhaps you would have more resources to devote to programming if you removed the month altogether, forecasting the non-availability of your product only once per YEAR. Think of the time you could save if no one had to remember what month it was all the time!

Incompetent middle manager:
Hey, you guys finished with the OS8 version of Now Utilities yet?

Programmer 1:
Just about. We haven't quite fixed the bug which renders it completely non-functional during the user's lifetime, though.

Programmer 2:
Hey, I'm not on that project. I just need to find out what month it is.

Programmer 1:
Sorry, I forget that 'we' is used to indicate the plural. Isn't it September?

Incompetent middle manager:
I'll have to get confirmation on that. Let me check with marketing.

Programmer 2:
Maybe if I increment by one, I can calculate the next month in the series.

Incompetent middle manager:
No! We need to make sure we have accurate information for these people. You build a new cell phone or something. I'll circulate a memo on this.

How many times has this sort of confusion caused bottlenecks in the development cycle, leading to loss of morale, leading to lowered productivity, leading to increased web traffic on the first of every month, leading to loss of consumer confidence, leading to sarcastic e-mail from ticked-off customers who have been waiting for a long goddamn time to upgrade to OS8.

To sum up: what the hell is taking so long?

Thank you.


[This was in response to e-mail from an irate student of literature who apparently found solace in her caps lock key.]

>You are one of many people who has posted the books from the
>"Professor's Guilt List." You should know that there are at least four
>serious mistakes in the list. I can't believe no one has pointed them
>out! The list continues to circulate WITH THE MISTAKES!
>
>FYI -- There is no such person as Isaac Bakel. the name is ISAAC BABEL.
>
>Cornelia Brunner's book is ANIMA AS FATE, not A Mind as fate.
>
>The worst mistake, in my opinion, is the title of Harold Frederic's book
>-- Who the hell is Theresa Ware? The Title of the book is THE DAMNATION
>OF THERON WARE. It is about a MAN, not a woman.
>
>Also check the spelling of Raisin in Lorraine Hansberry's play.

Thanks for the warning. I have destroyed all copies of the list, dismantled my website, cancelled my account and hidden my credit cards behind the loose rock in the fireplace. All further inquiries on this matter should be directed to my attorney, who has been instructed to hang up with extreme prejudice if anyone mentions the incident in Cairo before the war. Also, please note that my sudden disappearance should in no way be viewed as flight from prosecution but rather as a brief respite from the rigors of whatever gainful employment I may or may not have been lawfully engaged in before receiving your e-mail.

>Please pass this information along to others who use this list. There
>might be other mistakes -- I haven't read all the books. But I have
>read these, and would like to see the errors corrected.
>
>Thanks

I have no further comment at this time.



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Chip Howland
howland@skypoint.com