The Fun Stuff In Intimate Focus, Tuned to a Fine Granular Texture and Edible Also

JOBS AND JAILS

March 2, 2525
President Participates in Job Barricading and Education Electrocutions

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. Fact Purge: Cheaper Training for Cheaper Jobs Touted as Medieval Miracle 

. President Falls Over Irradiated Camisole While Trying to Reach Cute Kitties   

     on Red Curtains
. President Congeals Downward Into His Own Pair of White Socks While 

     Showgirl Laughs 
. Statements Functionally Lost Inside Terrorist Cajun Cooking Satellite 

     Network

. Women Are History Month
. Message To The Faux-Finish "Congress of the United States"   
. Message to the Backup Faux-Finish "Congress of the United States"
. Text of a Letter from President Basho Ponce Threepins to Premier Doozi 

     Mononova Crackenlacker of East Wazzamazza
. Notice Continuation of the National Imaginency Blinking Properties and 

     Embeddings of  Persons Undetermined by Caustic Democratic Processes 

     and Destitutions: BYOB

March 1, 2525
President Highlights Faith-Based Clothing
In Focus: Office of Faith-Based Fashions, Evening Accessories and Nightcaps

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. Fact Sheet: Compassion Inaction: Producing Real Results with Fake  

     Processes

. Groovy Angle: Sleeves Designed by Pope Hermosa Flan I

. Burning Woman Says Cross-Shaped Underwear Saved Her Life

. Uber Chick Buys Cross-Shaped Underwear from Sidewalk Vendor 

. What Would Jesus Wear?

. Dinner Gloves Woven From Flagellant's Shredded Butt Flesh

. Murderous Clowns on Vatican Catwalk

. Hair Shirts: Formal or Informal?

. Startling Photos!: Jesus Wore a Tux to the Crucifixion 

. Aoxomoxa: A Word to Tease Your Children With

. Those Darling Little Wire-Mesh Bippies

. Veronica Shows How to Fold a Handkerchief

. Billy Graham: Nude in the Clown Ranch Pool!

              

February 28, 2525
President Welcomes and Thanks and Mumbles and Sags

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. His Divine Porosity to Welcome Chicago Emperor Yaddada Daley to the 

     Clinch Room
. Numbed and Grateful Moms Stumble from the Senate, Disappear into 

     Hatboxes
. Americans Not As Stupid As People Think Month, 2525
. Americans Put Shoes On Backwards Week, 2525 

. "Lemon Meringue Pie Good" declares Secretary of Desserts

. Civet Colonic Coffee Found in Uber Chick's Left Glove Vault

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Feb. 29: Pissant Q. Threepins Guest-stars on "I Married A Tuna" 

February 27, 2525
President Loves Toast but Toast Doesn't Love President
In Focus: Cooked Bread Appears to Have Terrorist Agenda 

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. Agents of Secret Fried Bread Clan Reportedly Have Entered the Country Via 

     Invisible Aqueducts Hidden Beneath Corporate Toupee Galleries 

. Huge Buttered Tapirs Seen Digging Tunnel To President's Toaster

. "Crumbs! Everywhere You Look Crumbs!" says Basho  Flot Threepins

. The Febrile Bank of InternmentaI Undercovers a Poly-Unsaturated Plot to 

     Fatten Basho for Alien Sacrifice: Ultra-Violet Flags on all Drugstores

. Odd Noises Rise from the Vice Chump's Internal Food Storage Sac

. "Nobody Here But Us Chickens," whispers Basho's Poppy Gardener, Urt

. "Why Is Toast So Dry?" Queries the Central Internment Association head, 

     Mandible Organ Blox

.  Bingo Runs Off With Toaster

.  Butter Knives: WMD?

 

.                                     

February 26, 2525
President Discusses Strangling Old People in Rodeo Address

In Focus: The Fallacy of Concern - Can We Escape Without Any More Tears? 

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       "WHY NOT?"

-Professor-At-Large, Tomar Engleschlump

February 25, 2525
Personal Announcement

An Outline of Daily Impossibilities
. Impersonal Announcement

     . Personal Pronouncement

          . Impersonal Provisions

               .  Reasonable Excursions 

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1. Pepsodent Basho Potluck Threepins Reopens Old Wounds: Victims Die 

2. Jimmy Hoffa Resurfaces in The Uber Chick's Armoire

3. That Nothing You Hear Is the Sound of Progress Being Manhandled

4. Ernie Kovacs Is Reported to Have Stopped Laughing: Senate Investigates

5. Cute Kittens Given as Reason for Invasion of Switzerland

6. Arson Is Suspected in the Loss of All That and a Bag of Chips' Front Teeth