Setting the Time and Place

No one method is appropriate for all.  Talk to everyone involved and issues have a way of working themselves out.

Different Kinds of Holiday Sharing. Send small gifts and blessings at Christmas and at another time during the year rent a large home for a week when everyone can be together. One family has a Thanksgiving reunion each year.  Everyone helps with food and at the end of each Thanksgiving day, the host for the next holiday volunteers.  

Plans are Subject To Change. Joan was looking forward to grandson Frank's first visit all by himself. After he arrived she realized that her original plan to take Frank swimming in the nearby lake and the children's reading hour at the library should be replaced.  Instead she taught him how to put grain into her bird feeders and took him on a hike where they caught glimpses through the trees of a part-time resident elk.  Frank arrived interested in shooting animals and went away interested in watching them.  

When Relationships Threaten to Go up in Smoke. Bruce and Betty. smokers, chose to smoke only outdoors even at their home in order to have a relationship with one grandson. The contamination in their home and their car from smoking would severely affect their grandson's ability to breathe.

The "Rules" of Tradition. Nancy and Mac made a rule for themselves to take each of their grandchildren on a special vacation once they were old enough.  From the time they were very young the children were told that when they turned ten they could choose a special vacation. Nancy and Mac saved pictures of their adventures together and when the grandchild turned eighteen created a photo album for him/her.

Hosting Grandkids when Home is a Retirement Complex Most retirement complexes have strict rules about the length visitors can stay. The ranges noted are a week to a month. Almost all have the rule that children must be supervised at all times.

Visits - One city grandmother with a grandson who wanted to spend more time at the beach than she did. She took him on a to-and-from trip by passenger train to Oceanside, to the San Diego Wild Animal Park and to Sea World.  

Gift and Thanks. Many grandparents send gifts that never get acknowledged. Small gifts, notes, and phone calls seem to be the ones the grandchildren remember and talk to us about when they are older.  

Togetherness. Bonnie plans an annual summer visit where she rents a room at a motel near her grandchildren and their parents.  The motel always has a swimming pool and activity rooms. Each grandchild gets to stay with her for three days, one at a time. One grandparent takes the whole family out for a meal together on every visit, something a college age grandson really appreciated because the family didn't eat meals together at home. Some grandparents bake or cook with their grandchildren.

.More participation than talk.

Share "How - To" like fishing, baseball, carpentry.

Loraine and step-grandchild Peter have a mutual love of nature.  She sends him cards and information about animals she thinks he might like.

Angie in California writes monthly to her eleven-year-old grandson in Colorado about here life with his uncle, aunt, and girl-cousin his age. She always encloses a five dollar bill.

Lorry and Martin send smiling pictures of themselves to their grandchildren with each birthday and holiday gift

Photo Postage Stamps. The U.S. Postal Service sells customs stamps made from individual photographs and some commercial logos like football teams or NASCAR.

Creating a Story Together. Invite an older grandchild to write a story or poem with you.  Start with a plot or theme you agree on and take turns adding to the writing.

Chat rooms and Instant Messaging. I personally find these two cyberspace tools disruptive and of little value compared to email and internet  telephone.

Turks and Caicos is an all-inclusive family resort about 575 miles off the coast of Florida.  This resort stresses intergenerational entertainment. Recommended by a long-distance grandmother who lives on the West Coast and the rest of her family lives on the East Coast.

Educational Odysseys, University of New Hampshire, educationalodysseys.com 887-676-9400

Elderhostel, elderhostel.org, 800-454-5768

Grandtravel, grandtrvl.com, 800-247-7651

Great Adventure People, gapadventures.com, 800-708-7761

Rankin Ranch,  Rankinranch.com, 661-867-2511

Stanford Family Adventures,  stanfordalumni.org, 650-725-1093

Thompson Family Adventures,  familyadventures.com, 800-262-6255

Grandloving: Making Memories with Your Grandchildren, 4th Edition, by Sue Johnson and Julie Carlson

Grandparenting from a Distance: An Activities Handbook for Strengthening Long Distance Relationships, The National Institute for Building Long Distance Relationships